**Trigger Warning** (I DO NOT promote eating disorders, anorexia, bulimia, or any unhealthy eating behavior in others. This is my own experience.) SW: 196lbs. CW: 150. LW: 145. GW1: 130 GW2: 120. UGW: 96
I think the amount of hate blogs like mine get stem from the thought that we made these pages to 1) give ourselves EDs and 2) encourage others to develope one. Neither of these are typically true.
EDs are maladaptive mental illnesses. Maladaptive mental illnesses are typically sprung from stressful/toxic/abusive situations. My therapist calls this catergory “survival skills”. Basically, our brains can’t find a healthy way to cope with whatever is going on, and our way to survive is finding an outlet to elevate the fear and stress we are feeling surrounding the circumstances we can’t escape. That’s how it starts.
Because eating disorders are created from this, there is NO WAY someone who is in a perfect place in life and 100% happy could develope an ED as a diet. It’s not a diet, it’s a coping skill. It’s an unhealthy one, but still considered to be a method of coping.
I can fully acknowledge that there are some on this site who are toxic to others with eating disorders, but people on the internet can’t make the mental state surrounding your ED ‘worse’. They can provide ways to hide it or suggest low calorie foods to eat (which I and most of us refuse to give out), but they can’t make your mental state more severe. Typically, the stressors they’re dealing with are what make the ED worse. The stressors can be things like school or abuse, or a mixture of many things. Nothing is “too little” or “too silly” to create an ED. It’s all about their personal expectations of themselves. In my case, it was my way of “being strong and in control” within an environment where I had no choice but to comply to whatever was asked of me to avoid physical and emotional consequences.
That being said, even after the situation is “over,” the ED doesn’t just magically go away. It becomes an intrinsic part of our identity because we end up believing that with out *insert irrational ED expectation of ourselves*, we are worthless. This ‘assigned’ goal could be weight, amount of calories consumed, frequency of exercising, a mixture of these, and more. It also turns into our go-to coping skill. If I had a stressful day at work, I immediately go home and weigh myself to help lighten my stress and establish control. “Healthy” people have coping skills like drawing, watching movies, exercising a reasonable amount, and things of that nature. While we have those as well, our FIRST choice is related to our ED, since it was such a comfort during a much more severely stressful level of our lives, so we know it works.
While everyone has their own personal reasons for creating these blogs (and yes, a few have the intention of “getting worse”), mine was because of the overwhelming feeling of isolation. I don’t have anyone in the real world who I can vent my frustrations too. I became so guarded after my childhood that even my closest friends don’t truly know me. I needed to find a group of people who can say “hey, I understand how this feels and what you’re going through,” and actually MEAN it. This disorder is fucking terrifying at times, it has the highest mortality rate of any mental illness, and this page makes it so much less scary. I use the “pro” tags to find people like me, not to promote this disease. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.
I will never give out tips for weight loss that are unhealthy, but I’m more than happy to help others formulate a meal plan that is high in nutrients and calories, and other ways to stay healthy/recover. That’s the extent of my “advice”. Most others on this site act similarly. Don’t let a handful of people in a large group determine your opinion of us. Toxic people exist in every community, even fandoms.
I don’t like being like this. I didn’t chose it. Everyday I wake up and wonder why hell I can’t stop. I want to get help, and one day I will. But my life is so chaotic and unstable right now that I’m scared if I stop, I’ll kill myself. I’m just trying to get through life, one day at a time.
While I don’t expect to change anyone’s mind regarding these blogs, I think opening a conversation could help establish understanding on BOTH sides and eventually find a middle ground. I hope whoever is reading this will consider this before reporting, and instead block our pages and move on.
Thank you for reading this. If you have any questions for me, my inbox in open to you.
